Chapter 10

Suddenly my life became hectic. As I drove over to Sidney’s I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spent more than half an hour by myself. Harmony and I had been busy interviewing and arguing over contractors. Then we were tossing ideas around about how we wanted the restaurant to work. My mother was calling all of the time now “just to talk” even though I knew better. On top of that I was spending the rest of my time with Sidney helping him with his house.

The restaurant was right at the top of my stress list. I was feeling more and more lost by the day. I was also losing any faith I had that Harmony and I were going to be able to pull this off. I don’t know how I got talked into this and I wasn’t sure I was ready to be a failure at something so soon out of college. I really should have just looked for a normal job.

My mother was next on the list. Things always got worse at this time of year. It was two weeks before the day McKenzie had died. My aunt and uncle were a mess for the entire month of November which meant that they relied on my parents for everything. My dad was never very involved in anyone else’s lives, and he spent as much of this month away from home as possible because of my aunt and uncle. This put all the pressure on my mom to carry the family through it which meant she called me over every little thing.

It was even worse this year because mom didn’t want to call Kellen ever. She’d told me that she just didn’t want to disrupt his relationship with Raina. I should have lied to my mother and told her that I had a guy in my life just to see if that would make her leave me alone too, but I doubted it. All I knew was that I wanted someone, just one person to stop leaning on me this month so I could grieve McKenzie too.

I don’t know why I had added completely decorating every room in Sidney’s house to the list, but I had. Thankfully it was the least stressful thing I was dealing with at the moment. Despite spending every moment I could at his house painting and planning, it was the most fun part of my day, which was sad. Nothing about Sidney himself was stressful, but decorating his house while I was planning on crushing him just seemed so wrong.

I wanted nothing more than for this year to be over with. I hated November because of McKenzie. As soon as the date of her death passed I got smacked right in the face with the month of December and holidays. I might hate Christmas more than Thanksgiving, which was saying a lot about how much I hated it. Just another day I was forced to spend time with a family I didn’t understand and who didn’t understand me fresh off the grief of losing McKenzie.

I pulled into Sidney’s driveway and took a deep breath. I could feel it coming. I was going to crack soon and it wasn’t going to be pretty. I just hoped I could hold it in long enough to do it when I found time to myself, and I could just let go of everything. It was almost time for my yearly breakdown, only this time, there was so much more weight on my shoulders.

“I can drive,” Sidney called out, walking out of his house.

“Sounds good to me,” I accepted.

We’d finally finished painting Sidney’s house. We’d literally done every room, which had been no small task. He didn’t exactly live in a small house. If you asked me, it was too big for just him, but I guess he was planning on being there for a while and a family might be in his future. We were now moving on to the decorating part. I already had ideas of what I thought would be good for each room, but I had to see what Sid wanted.

“How is everything?” he asked, as he backed out of the driveway.

“Everything’s great,” I lied, forcing a smile onto my face. There was no reason to get into it right now. We conversed with our usual small talk on the trip until we reached the destination. First stop, furniture.

“Okay, Sid, I don’t want you to think about what would look good with color schemes or anything. Just point out things you like so I can get an idea of your style and we can work from there, okay?” I knew that he was stressed about this part, worried that he didn’t know what he was doing and I wanted to make it as easy as possible for him.

We walked around the store studying furniture, sitting on couches and chairs. He pointed out some of the stuff he liked best and I did what I could to find something as close to it as possible that would match the room it was meant for. I was grateful to see that Sidney’s taste in things was very similar to mine, which made life easy.

We made the rounds to a few different stores to compare and check out options. By the last store we were planning on hitting I was exhausted. I found an antique looking couch and collapsed on it. I was completely overdramatic about it, falling onto it like I was fainting. My legs remained hanging off of the side as I laid back, draping my arm over my forehead much like a distressed woman in an old movie would have done.

“You alright?” Sidney asked with a smile and a small laugh at my dramatics.

“I’m just so tired,” I told him. I didn’t have time to elaborate even if I’d wanted to. The sound of my phone ringing broke the conversation off.

“We have a problem,” Harmony told me. No, not what I needed right now.

“What problem?” I asked, sitting up.

“I think you should come to the restaurant,” was her reply.

“I’ll be right there.” I hung up and glanced up at Sidney. “There’s some sort of emergency. I have to go to the restaurant. Do you mind?”

“No, not at all. I’m actually curious to see what the place looks like,” he responed. I smiled and stood up, leading the way out of the store.

“Nothing like a restaurant,” I said with a laugh.

I fought traffic to get to the restaurant as fast as I could. If Harmony, the most care-free person I’d ever met, said there was a problem, there was definitely a problem. I found a place to park, and practically ran into the restaurant, Sidney on my heels. I found Harmony sitting on the floor looking over some papers. She looked up at Sidney in surprise when we walked in.

“Hey,” she greeted him, as she gave me a questioning look.

“We were looking at furniture,” I explained. She just nodded and gave me one of those ‘sure you were’ smiles of hers. “What’s the problem?”

“Okay, remember that contractor we both liked, but he was really expensive so we weren’t sure we wanted to go with him?” Harmony asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, he was just offered another job. Because we’d gone to him first he’s giving us first dibbs if we want him. He just wants to know by tomorrow.” I let out a sigh and sat down on the floor beside Harmony.

This was a huge decision to make, and we had less than 24 hours to do it in. As if I needed anything else on my plate right now. I sat quietly and thought about what we should do. Even though Harmony had said there was no budget, I think we both knew that we could only spend so much on renovations without being completely indebted to somebody.

“I’m just not sure I like how much he charges,” I told her after a while.

“I know, but he seems amazing. We have all these great references, we’ve talked to multiple people who have nothing but good things to say about him. He really seems like he’d do the best job. Is he worth the money?” I covered my face with my hands and groaned.

“If you think it’s what we should do, we’ll make it work,” I decided, knowing that a long, drawn out argument would ensue if I didn’t agree to hire him. Sometimes it sucked being the best friend of a hard-headed person.

“Okay, I’ll give him a call. I should go and get ready. Oliver’s taking me out tonight. Lock up behind you,” Harmony said as she stood up. Sidney and I said goodbye to her and I watched her walk out and down the street.

“Want the tour?” I asked Sidney. He nodded and I began to lead him around the place, showing him where we thought we wanted everything.

It felt like every step I took around the place increased my stress level exponentially. By the time I’d locked up one side and led Sidney to the space next door I knew I was headed for trouble. My breakdown was going to come much earlier than all the others. I just had to hold it together for a little longer, had to keep it in until I’d dropped Sidney off.

Then he had to go and ask if I wanted to have dinner with him since we were already out. I don’t know what about that question did it, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Standing right in the middle of the future restaurant I broke down and began to cry. At first tears just slid slowly and quietly from my eyes, but once they started I couldn’t stop them. Soon I was a blubbering idiot.

“Bryce, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Sidney asked as I melted down to the floor and covered my face with my hands.

“No. No, I’m not okay,” I told him. I felt his arm slide around my shoulders as he got down onto the floor next to me.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t do this. It’s too much. There’s just too much. I don’t know what I’m doing. We don’t know what we’re doing. How are we supposed to be successful if we don’t have a clue? And why does my mom have to be the way she is and why can’t my dad just fucking be there for anyone? Why does Kellen get to have a pass because he has a girlfriend? How come this all has to happen before the holidays and why are there so many awful people in this world?” I wailed, knowing even as I said it that I wasn’t making any sense.

“It’ll be okay. Bryce, I promise, it’s going to be okay,” Sidney said, pulling me into him. I let him wrap his arms around me and hold me while I cried. Only Harmony had ever done that for me before, and it was nice to be held.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I apologized when I finally composed myself enough to pull away.

I looked up at Sidney embarrassed for breaking down the way I just had in front of him. He looked right back at me and into my eyes. He gave me a small smile. Then he lifted his hands and placed his thumbs on my cheeks, just below my eyes. He slowly used them to wipe the tears and mascara off of my face, and I could feel myself forgetting why I wanted to hurt him.

“Whatever’s going on, whatever has you so upset, will pass. It might get worse before it gets better, but it will get better eventually. If there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that things will always get better over time. I’m here to talk, if you ever need me. Please know that.”

Just those words almost had me in tears again. It was the first time they’d ever been spoken to me. I nodded and managed to choke out a thank you. Sidney offered to drive me home and I took him up on it. I walked into a dark condo and let the tears come back. I went straight to bed and pulled the blankets up around me. I finally had my alone time.